The Deep Divide
“If you’re for it, I’m against it” seems to be the rule of today. Our country’s Great Divide is profound. At least when Moses stretched out his hand over the sea and the waters divided, there was a plan, a purpose. The Israelites used that great divide to cross the Red Sea. Today, not so much.
I recall my dad and my maternal granddad debating the politics of the day during the Eisenhower years. My grandfather, a Norwegian immigrant, commercial fisherman, and mayor of the New Jersey shore town of Lavallette, was a staunch Republican and thought that other than Moses, Dwight Eisenhower could part the waters simply be raising his hand. My dad had a different opinion. Unlike most political discussions of today, however, they kept their debate civil, and sat down together to enjoy freshly caught seafood. Can you imagine our political leaders today having an honest debate about issues followed by a pleasant meal together, even if it was surf ‘n turf? No. Today, the goal of the opposition party is to ensure that the majority party’s agenda fails. The heck with their constituents. If the other party fails, we win! Or so it appears. And what cable news station that one watches defines who that person is. Want to have some fun? After a big event in the world, go to MSNBC and listen to their account of what happened, then switch over to Fox and listen to their account. Amazingly, it is difficult to decide if they are even talking about the same event. I conclude that there are two types of people in the world. Those who watch MSNBC and those who are Fox viewers. Both sides of this divide receive their “facts” from their preferred news channel. This is fine except for one minor detail. These news-watching junkies typically end up walking the streets unshaven, unbathed, wear nasty unkept clothing, with scraggly uncut hair aimlessly muttering to themselves. When someone approaches these poor lost souls and asks what happened to them, they can only grumble “Damn Democrats” or “Damn Republicans”.
During the great financial crash in 2008, bankers and other people in the financial world literally left the workplaces on Friday afternoon not knowing if their bank, insurance company, or financial advisory company would even be in business Monday morning. The father of my daughter’s college roommate at the time was a psychiatrist in Charlotte, where droves of people lost their jobs every day. Many of his clients were current, or recently fired, employees of now defunct Wachovia Bank. He told me over dinner one night that his first bit of advice that he gave these distressed bankers in return for his top-dollar fees that he charged was to “turn off the TV”. I received that tidbit for free, and I have used it over the last several years. The talking heads are useless other than to divide us even more as they laugh all the way to the bank. Turn off the TVs. Walter Cronkite is gone.
What gets me is that yes, we are a divided country, yes it’s splitting up families, and yes lifelong friendships are disintegrating because of POLITICS. My belief is that we’re fighting over all of the wrong reasons.
Take toilet paper, for example. That’s something worthy of division. All normal, rational, and informed people know that the correct way to mount the roll in its holder is in a manner in which the paper rolls from the top. Who are these wackos that insist that the paper flows from the bottom? Let’s take to the streets all top-rollers!
Another appropriate reason for division is pizza. A pizza is supposed to be topped with pepperoni and mushrooms. Now there are those among us, and infiltrating our schools, who would have us putting hamburger meat and sausage on pizzas. If we do not stop them with new legislation and soon, could pineapple be next? We must organize immediately to stop the madness.
There are men, good family men and productive citizens in our communities, that are wearing skinny legged pants in public. They are so tight around the ankles that the pants appear painted directly on the legs. What are our elected officials doing in Washington? Can they not see that even some of their own are part of this conspiracy? Instead of voting on issues like budgets, taxes, environmental issues and whatever else these folks do, can they not do something important like banning skinny legged pants? Maybe if there is not bipartisan support of such as effort, they can at least agree to outlaw such ridiculous, anti-American acts of defiance among those men over the age of sixty-five. Write and call your congressional representative today! Maybe we can add an amendment to the Skinny Leg bill outlawing pull-over sweaters for men. All rational people know that as the temperature rises from the morning chill, that the sweater necessary in the morning is no longer needed. Thus, the cardigan. Unbutton it or unzip it, and easily slide the garment off without messing up one’s hair. Cardigan wearers of the world unite.
As we continue to allow the political divide to widen, we are missing possibly the only legitimate reason for division. In my part of the country, along Tobacco Road, the greatest divide is between Duke and Carolina basketball. And even if I shake my head in disgust and pass judgment over Republicans and Democrats feuding so, the great divide between Duke and Carolina is justified. My Duke friends adhere to the ABC theory of basketball—Anybody But Carolina. I take it a little further. For me, a Carolina boy, I could not pull for the US Olympic basketball team coached by Coach K. I’m sorry, but I could not do it. Go Czechoslovakia! As I served as District Lay Leader in the United Methodist Church, I met several pastors in my district who attended Duke Divinity School, a Methodist affiliated school. They naturally pull for Duke. I really struggled with this—how could these godly men and women possibly pull for Coach K.? It just is beyond my comprehension. The success or failure of my year revolves around how the Tar Heels, riding into Cameron Indoor Stadium on their white horses, fared against the despised Devils. 2022 emerged as a glorious year. Not only did the “good guys” win in Krzyzewski’s last game at Cameron, but also knocked him out of the NCAA tournament in his last game coaching. My 401k may have tanked, but by golly, the Tar Heels beat Duke. (To my Duke friends, don’t freak out and delete my blog forever. You know how intense we both take these games. Our world stops for a few nail-biting hours at least twice a year). I might as well come clean. When I had melanoma several years ago, where did I go for treatment? Yes, Duke. Oh well, even the greatest divide known to modern man, the Duke-Carolina rivalry, has its limits.
The divisions between people seem to continue to grow and, sadly, is creeping, or should I say, barging into virtually all parts of our lives. I’m a lifelong United Methodist and, as many of you know, the church is in the middle of our own “Great Divide”. Many churches are leaving the United Methodist denomination to become either independent or a member of the newly formed Global Methodist Church. This is sad, but this too shall pass. I pray that good will come from this divide and that the Lord will use this as an opportunity to motivate believers to continue the fight, continue to show the world what the love of God truly is. Rally, my friends, this, as opposed to toilet paper, IS resolvable.
Another Great Divide that is irreconcilable manifests itself every week at a men’s breakfast that I attend. In addition to eggs, toast, plain biscuits, cheese biscuits, bacon, sausage, ham, pancakes, and stewed apples, there is a choice of grits or hash brown potatoes. Certainly, grits are indeed the correct choice. I cannot sit at the same table with those freaks who choose hash browns over grits. What can they be thinking? I left the group over this issue for about a year, trying to reevaluate my life and reconcile the fact that there are some weirdos out there who prefer hash browns. The disbelief, anger, and hate came back to me when I returned recently. I can’t associate with hash browns eaters. I can’t. I won’t.
So, for now, I’ll not try to convince the folks on the other side of the political aisle how wrong they are; I’ll let the Lord lead the Methodists; I’ll passive aggressively continue my quest to change the toilet paper rollers wherever I go; but, as Roy says, “Dag Ding it”, I’m still pulling for the wretched Kentucky Wildcats when they play Duke.
Bring it on in folks—together we can!